In the Organization the first day is always the hardest. On this day, you are still grasping the fact that you are no longer a somebody, but now you are a nobody; a nobody without a heart. And you have to admit if feels pretty fucking depressing, the weird part is that you can't feel the depression; you can only go back and remember how it felt. And the emptiness in your chest will sting for the first few days, but you get used to it, then you can only remember the sting. This part always seems to be the hardest for the newer members, due to the fact that the adrenaline rush they receive from remembering how it felt to just feel, they wanted to feel the pain. They would always take a sharp edge to their skin, just to see if they would feel it, and they did. The only thing they didn't feel was the warm sensation of blood running down their arm. Why this scared them the most? Who knows, maybe it's the realization that they're closer to being dead than alive.

Then you get introduced to the other members. It freaks you out at how intimidating they are, just sitting there on their thrones with their faces hidden beneath the darkness of their hoods; and it feels like they're just burning holes in your body. The rising tension makes you want to shake, instead your body just goes numb and all you can do is burn holes in the floor. Then you get introduced by The Superior, the one who intimidates you the most. The sound of his booming voice telling the other members who you are and your rank, and then the icy feeling of his hand on your back; it makes your non-existent heart stop and you just want to leave. You look up to see a few of them reveal their eyes, and it amazes you how deep and full the colors are of their iris', how much emotion they had in them. Then again, it could just be you remembering how much emotion eyes held.

Now that the introductions are gone, you can go and do some can exploring; try to get a feel around the organizations base. Instead, you just go straight to your dorm, not bothering to memorize the halls and where the doors lead or even bother to get to know your alias better. Right now, you just want to be alone; you need to get  your thoughts together. Why was this so hard to grasp? The answer doesn't come to you, it just is. The fact that you can't get a straight answer annoys you and the feeling of irritation and frustration eats you from the inside out. Of course, give or take two weeks and that feeling will just be another memory. That's the least of your worries, as feelings numb out you think back on the type of person you once were. You start to point out all the highlights of you life, all of those glory moments were it felt like nothing else mattered but you; and that puts a small smile on your face.

Then come along the bad memories. You go back and point out all the things that you've done wrong, all the downfalls and the things that you've failed to accomplish. All those wretched and horrid memories just start to burn into your brain, bringing back the memor of how it felt to feel all the pain, sorrow, and anger that you've ever felt in your life. And it comes at you hard. Your chest feels heavy as if your non-existant heart just drops into oblivion.